


drip

by nixarcus



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I think?, IRL Fic, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Suicidal Thoughts, This is also my first work, dont mind me being super anxious ab postin this, haha casually just writing thru the pain, idfk what rating this is supposed to have, me just referencing all my trigger songs, tags r weird, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:14:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28986930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nixarcus/pseuds/nixarcus
Summary: in which tommy has a mental breakdown, forgets about a recording session, and gets comfort from wilbur.-if any ccs in this fic express discomfort with these types of fics, i will take it down immediately.also dont mind me just, referencin a bunch of songs/artists i listen to and things i do when im having a breakdown.cmfort pgochmap
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 5
Kudos: 272





	drip

tommy stared at his hands, his head was spinning. his chest was tight and he was trembling, he couldn’t think straight.

he’d felt off all day, but now he’d listened to multiple different trigger songs and they all led to even worse of a spiral.

baby comes home to kill himself, death of a hero, swallow red, gotta be a reason. scruffpuppie, alec benjamin, broken cloud machine, and alec benjamin again.

he’d listened to swallow red last, having sung along as loud as he could without disturbing his family. it helped that he had semi-soundproof walls.

gotta be a reason caused quite a bit of discomfort thanks to alcohol mentions.

death of a hero hadn’t hit too hard, but it was the first thing he listened to and alec benjamin had always found some kind of way to get him down, no matter the song.

the lyrics to baby comes home to kill himself hit harder than the other songs, though. he sung along to this one as well, the song making him desperately want to cry and to hurt and to ~~cut~~. he didn’t want to ~~cut~~ though, right? he didn’t have anything to ~~cut~~ with anyway— however despite that he was still digging his nails painfully into his sides, they were bound to draw blood eventually.

everything spun around tommy, lyrics entwining and trapping him in an endless loop of wanting to hurt, to cry, to escape, but also to curl up in a ball and never move. he wanted to isolate himself, cut off all contacts with his friends. he wanted to go mute, to never make any sounds again. to simply shut his mouth, and never open it. to be silent forever, to cry silently, to go numb and never feel anything.

it was foggy— he couldn’t tell what was going on around him. he desperately tried to remember some kind of coping skill to calm down, but he couldn’t, his chest hurt, he couldn’t breath, he had a headache, he needed to cry but he couldn’t, he couldn’t breathe, he _couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t_ —

the sharp sound of a discord notification rung through his headphones.

 **WilburSoot** _today at 10:32pm_  
hey tommy you doing okay? you’re late for a recording session bud

tommy took a moment to read the message, everything was blurring together and it wasn’t from tears. he wasn’t even crying.

oh yeah, he still has to respond to the message.

 **TommyInnit** _today at 10:35pm_  
yeaj wilbur im finr justcbusy

he hit send, not even noticing the spelling mistakes.

 **WilburSoot** _today at 10:35pm_  
toms you don't seem all that good right now, you up to call?

tommy couldn’t even make out the message, much less notice there was even a new one. he was dissociating, he noticed that much.

he didn’t even feel like it was actually him pressing the accept call button until he could hear wilbur’s voice. nothing registered in his mind, though, and he could only hear soft murmuring.

“...mmy? toms? tommy, can you hear me, bud?” slowly wilbur’s voice was understandable, a bit louder than tommy’s racing thoughts. loud enough to take priority.

“mmh yeah? what’s up big man,” tommy’s voice was admittedly shaking, and it even sounded tired and zoned out. such an accurate description of how tommy felt at the moment, aside from suicidal and self-harm thoughts.

“toms, are you okay? first you’re late for a recording session, and now on call you sound horrible,” wilbur paused, as if contemplating his next choice of words. “did you get enough sleep last night? what’s got you sounding so down, man,”

tommy didn’t know what to say to that, but before he knew it he couldn’t breathe again. when had he started crying, why are there suddenly tears everywhere? no wonder everything’s even more blurry than before, if that was even possible. “i can’t, i can’t, i can’t,” he sobbed, mumbling over and over to himself. he couldn’t breathe, he just couldn’t, it was too much, his chest hurt, he was cold, he was tired, he needed, he _needed, he needed_ —

“hey! hey, hey hey. toms, it’s okay, it’s okay. breathe, tommy. just hear my voice toms, it’s okay, it’s okay. you’re okay, everything’s okay. just breathe for me, it’s going to be okay,” wilbur assured the younger. wil’s voice was like a breath of fresh air, a warm embrace in a freezing tundra.

tommy sucked in a breath — a sharp, painful one — and breathed out quickly, almost choking. “you’re doing great, toms. just a bit gentler this time, okay?” tommy hummed, to let wil know he was listening, before taking in another deep breath. this time it didn’t hurt as bad, he didn’t choke. “good, good job toms. keep breathing like that, it’s going to be okay,”

after a while of deep breaths, tommy’s breathing was stable. “i-uh, i’m sorry, that you had, um, to sit through that. sorry. you can leave now, if you want—“

“no, no, tommy. it’s okay, i’m not going to leave you. i love you, toms, you can come to me whenever you need comfort,” wil cut him off with a reassurance, his soothing voice once again calming tommy’s anxiety.

“y-yeah. thanks, wil. thank you,” he breathed out.

“would you like to talk about it, or do you want a distraction? it’s okay if you want some time to yourself, too, whatever you’d like,” wilbur offered.

“no! no, i don’t want to be on my own again,” tommy blurted. “b-but, uh, i kinda want to talk about it, and then maybe a distraction?” wilbur hummed in agreement, leading tommy to take that as a go-ahead to ramble.

“s-so, i wasn’t in the best headspace tonight. i, um, don’t know what set it off. but i was, yknow, listenin to music and that kinda thing, to try and keep myself calm and not spiral. but of course, a song happened to come up and make me feel a bit shittier. and then, the next song, made me feel even worse, yknow? and so did the next song, and the next song, and suddenly i was curled up in bed having urges i’ve never had before as well as not being able to breathe or see clearly because everything was blurry and my chest hurt and fuck was i trembling—“ he cut himself off before he started spiraling again, curling in on himself slightly.

wilbur hummed. “i get that, i get that a lot tommy. it’s okay. did you act on any of those urges, or were they just thoughts?”

“just- just thoughts, i think. i might’ve accidentally scratched a bit too hard on my arms though, but they’re not bleeding, so i think it’s fine,” tommy glanced at his arms just to make sure they weren’t actually bleeding, and thankfully they weren’t.

“and that’s okay, toms. i’m pretty sure the urges you had were mainly intrusive thoughts. but it’s okay, just try not to act on them, okay?” tommy made a noise of agreement. “now how about that distraction?” wilbur’s smile was heard loud and clear in that statement, and that even brought a smile to tommy’s face.

“yeah, yeah let’s have that distraction,” he giggled.

“one last thing, wil?”

“yeah?”

“thank you, thank you a lot,”

“no problem, toms,”

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed reading!
> 
> remember to have meds, drink water, and eat something as needed.
> 
> also keep in mind that after writing this i feel Much better, and im doing okay, i have been doing okay, this is just to express my feelings n stuff. i hope u have a good day :D
> 
> if u have some criticism, pls keep it kind and post it in the comments. thanks! :)
> 
> my tumblr: jaybluerue


End file.
